This is an odd post to write, having been a vegetarian for the past 43 years, but in thinking about networking during the holiday season, that’s what came to me. Don’t just sit there. Don’t be part of the decorations, but instead talk to people, engage them, let them know–whether it’s your old uncle or a cousin’s new boyfriend–what you’re looking for. Sound excited. Give an example of what you can contribute in your field whether it’s science, technology, admin or working in fast food. People like to help. They like to connect those they care about with others. They want to see the magic of a good job happen, so even if you decide to stuff yourself,  engage in conversation, and you’ll be one of smart people getting hired in December or early January. And if there aren’t enough people at home to talk with, volunteer at a soup kitchen and you’ll be surrounded–and have a good time.

Take a look at my recent post on collegerecruiter.com:  http://www.collegerecruiter.com/blog/2013/10/17/how-can-college-students-sell-experience-at-a-job-interview/

Interviewing is such an important part of getting a job, and now there’s a new resource to help job seekers of all levels and functions. I’m thrilled to announce that “The Essential Job Interview Handbook” is in bookstores and available on Kindle and Nook. If you’d like to read three, free chapters, please go to my website:  JeanBaur.com.

What’s different about this book? It combines preparation and strategy with sample questions and answers, and unlike other interview books, gives “good, better and best” options for each question with a brief explanation of what makes the strongest answers. And it’s fun. Each chapter has sidebars with stories from my 20+ years of career coaching, and a “Ditch It!” section that includes things you should never say in an interview. I’m confident this work will help you whether you’re just staring out or have been working a long time. And if you’re in transition, it’s a must. Go to your local library as ask for it.

Here’s an odd thing about being in job search:  it can get boring. You’ve got a lot to do, but when not much happens, it can feel discouraging and it’s easy to lose interest. When doing laundry looks like a good time, you know you’re in trouble. My advice, as a career coach and author, is to surprise yourself. Do something that is out of the box for you. That could mean attending a networking meeting that you’ve avoided, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or signing up for a drawing class. It’s your job to make your life interesting while you look for work, and as you do it, you’ll find your search easier to maintain. And who knows, the things you do to surprise yourself might even help you get to your next opportunity.

I don’t mind winter, but right about now I start thinking–enough already! When is spring coming? And if you’re looking for work, this cold and dreary time of the year can get to you. What can you do? My most important advice to not to go it alone. Join a search group, use a career counselor if your past company has given you an outplacement package, or team up with a search buddy. Secondly, do things that keep you motivated–things you can look forward to. This could be getting together for coffee with a friend, visiting a homebound neighbor, or simply exploring a new park. Another suggestion is to learn a new skill or  improve an existing one. Don’t stagnate. And lastly, look for ways to give back. There are many studies that show that people who volunteer are healthier, so even if you decide to help out for selfish reasons, that’s just fine. But do it. The worst mistake job seekers make is to spend the day glued to their computers. Take advantage of online resources, but run a proactive and well-balanced search and you’ll land a new job a lot faster. And a last trick that works for me:  buy yourself flowers. It’s amazing how they can lift your spirits.

In job search, it’s a wonderful thing to be motivated and meticulous at follow up, but I recently got myself into trouble as I didn’t realize that it was time to let go and move on. I keep a spreadsheet of all my search activities and when I notice that someone in my network hasn’t gotten back to me, I reach out to them. And often, that’s productive and sends a positive message:  I’m excited about my work. But when the person on the other side really doesn’t want to talk with you and no matter what you say you’re not going to change his or her mind, then it’s a good idea to say “Thanks” and get off the phone.

But because I was in follow up mode and because I knew that my skills would be a good fit for this particular organization, I heard myself arguing with the person on the phone–and yes, it gets worse–I even went so far as to tell them why they were wrong about using their own people. Not so smart. It finally occured to be that I was in a losing battle and I did get off the phone–in a rotten mood.

So I emailed my search buddy and when we spoke the next day she gave me a wonderful new contact. (A search buddy is someone who is also in transition who agrees to help you throughout the process.) When I thought about it I realized this was a much better place to put my efforts and that I had to let go of the other opportunity. Lastly, I gave myself a pat on the back as I had tried really hard, had networked effectively, but it just wasn’t going to happen. A hard but important lesson.

I realized recently, in networking, that my number one dream has been for someone to “get it.” By that I mean get what I can do and make a connection to a job. Rather than “it’s been nice talking with you”, I wanted:  “Hey, you’d be perfect for ….. and let me help you make that happen.” Not a bad wish, really, but in the end a frustrating one as that isn’t what happens.

As job seekers we have to be our own connectors or bridges. So in addition to talking with people, we need to ask questions so that our agenda is clear. Here’s a few sample questions:

-Do you see me as a good fit for (fill in the blank)?

-From what I know so far, I could be a strong contributor here. What might be some next steps?

-Thanks for asking me to volunteer. I know how important that is which is why I’m already volunteering with several organizations. My goal is to be part of your staff, even if that’s on a part-time basis as I’m confident that my skills can help you (fill in the blank.)

Yes, these questions are hard to ask and many of us may feel uncomfortable asking them. My advice:  get over it and do it. But make sure to deliever your message with a smile. As my favorite job search mantra reminds me, “They’d be lucky to have you.”

We all have days where nothing seems to go right, but in job search, they can be particularly paralyzing. What should you do if you’re stuck in one of those days where no one is calling or emailing you back, you can’t fix an error you just discovered in your resume, the cat throws up on the rug and the people from the interview you had a week ago seem to have fallen off the planet?

My short answer is:  something else. Get away from your desk and even your phone and shake things up a bit. Get outside if it’s nice, call another job seeker and see if you can help him or her, bake something for a neighbor, take a walk, brush the dog, you get the idea. Don’t just sit there thinking that by sheer persistence you can make the phone ring.

As a career coach who has worked with thousands of people in transition over the past 18 years, I’m a big believer in breaks. And I’m not talking about booking a cruise–just an afternoon where you go to the movies or do something you can enjoy. How do these help? They refresh us, keep us going and help us gain a better perspective. So work hard on your search but don’t forget to take some time off, too.

Spoke on the phone today with a former client who was as excited as she has landed a new job. As we talked about it and I asked her to walk me through the steps, an interesting thing surfaced. The company had placed an ad for a Sales Manager but a few weeks later took it off their website. When she called to find out if she was in the running, HR told her that the company had decided not to fill that position.

Fast forward a few months and my client gets a call from the same company and learns that a different division needed a sales manager and asked HR to share the resumes they had previously collected. Hers was chosen because they knew she was in transition and might be more open to an opportunity that was temp to perm. In other words, being out of work made her a more attractive candidate. She went on the interview and got the job. So don’t assume that your current status, if you’re out of work, is a disadvantage.