In job search, it’s a wonderful thing to be motivated and meticulous at follow up, but I recently got myself into trouble as I didn’t realize that it was time to let go and move on. I keep a spreadsheet of all my search activities and when I notice that someone in my network hasn’t gotten back to me, I reach out to them. And often, that’s productive and sends a positive message:  I’m excited about my work. But when the person on the other side really doesn’t want to talk with you and no matter what you say you’re not going to change his or her mind, then it’s a good idea to say “Thanks” and get off the phone.

But because I was in follow up mode and because I knew that my skills would be a good fit for this particular organization, I heard myself arguing with the person on the phone–and yes, it gets worse–I even went so far as to tell them why they were wrong about using their own people. Not so smart. It finally occured to be that I was in a losing battle and I did get off the phone–in a rotten mood.

So I emailed my search buddy and when we spoke the next day she gave me a wonderful new contact. (A search buddy is someone who is also in transition who agrees to help you throughout the process.) When I thought about it I realized this was a much better place to put my efforts and that I had to let go of the other opportunity. Lastly, I gave myself a pat on the back as I had tried really hard, had networked effectively, but it just wasn’t going to happen. A hard but important lesson.

Sometimes job search feels like being a little kid stuck in an endless car ride. You can’t imagine that you will ever reach your destination, but it occured to me the other day, that it’s easy to miss “getting there” especially if you’re working on a consulting or contract basis. You get a contract or two and start work, but it may not feel as if you’ve “landed.” You may still feel stuck in that stuffy car, while really you’ve made great progress. And since getting your foot in the door may lead to additional work, it’s really important to give yourself a great big pat on the back and tell yourself, “I did it!”

Okay, the trip isn’t over, but recognize the victories or you risk getting run down and discouraged. Maybe even take a day or two off and celebrate. Wouldn’t that be something?

I realized recently, in networking, that my number one dream has been for someone to “get it.” By that I mean get what I can do and make a connection to a job. Rather than “it’s been nice talking with you”, I wanted:  “Hey, you’d be perfect for ….. and let me help you make that happen.” Not a bad wish, really, but in the end a frustrating one as that isn’t what happens.

As job seekers we have to be our own connectors or bridges. So in addition to talking with people, we need to ask questions so that our agenda is clear. Here’s a few sample questions:

-Do you see me as a good fit for (fill in the blank)?

-From what I know so far, I could be a strong contributor here. What might be some next steps?

-Thanks for asking me to volunteer. I know how important that is which is why I’m already volunteering with several organizations. My goal is to be part of your staff, even if that’s on a part-time basis as I’m confident that my skills can help you (fill in the blank.)

Yes, these questions are hard to ask and many of us may feel uncomfortable asking them. My advice:  get over it and do it. But make sure to deliever your message with a smile. As my favorite job search mantra reminds me, “They’d be lucky to have you.”

Looking for work can be like a long car trip where you keep asking, “Am I there yet?” And you can’t enjoy the process because you’re fixated on the end results. To get out of this rut, try to do something different. Maybe you visit a friend you’ve lost touch with, or you could volunteer or take a course at a community college. The trick is not to see these things as a waste of time. That detour may be just what you need to refresh your network and find new opportunites. Try it. It can be fun to be led astray!

Well, “blues” isn’t really the right word, but rather what I think of as a natural time when in general things slow down. If you’re like me and you like fast or faster, this can be disconcerting. But here’s a different way to think about it. Sometimes doing less is productive. You take time to notice what’s going on around you and that may lead to an interesting connection. You enjoy the wonderful summer weather. You reconnect with friends and family. But that doesn’t mean give up on your search. And it sure doesn’t mean that hiring isn’t happening.

I was on the  phone yesterday with a woman I was referred to by a former client, and she was so helpful. I felt reaffirmed in my search and like her, ready for a new challenge. This is a great benefit of networking–you learn something new, feel energized by someone you didn’t know, and like the blues, turn your complaints into a  song that makes you feel really good.

If someone could say to you:  listen, just do these ten things and you’ll have a job in a few months, you’d be thrilled.  It would be easy. But that’s not what happens to most of us. We create a  plan, we work it and then hit some dead ends. This is exactly the point when you must not give up because this is a complicated process full of ups and downs. Review your plan, seek outside advice whether from a career counselor or a job search group (One-Stop Career Centers and many community organizations offer this for free), and revise your plan as needed. Most importantly, don’t go it alone. This is not  a loner’s game.

Right now, today, write down the names of three people who may be able to help you. Email them or give them a call. Ask for advice but be careful  not to ask for too much. Your job search is your job–not anyone else’s. And thank them–that will motivate your network to keep helping you. And step-by-step you’ll get there. Things will start to happen and that will motivate you to do more to get to your next opportunity. It’s not a straight line but you’re on your way.

In working on my new book, “Job Interview Answers That Work!” (due out in the fall of 2012), I’ve thought a lot about this particular challenge. So many job seekers haven’t interviewed in a long time and are understandably nervous. Here are some suggestions once you have your foundation in place (that is your answers to why you’re looking, what you’re looking for and top accomplishment stories that prove your abilities):

* Get together with a search buddy and practice your answers out loud

* Go to meetings whether they’re general ones for job seekers or industry or skill specific such as groups for marketing professionals or engineers. Set a goal so that you make yourself talk to three people you don’t know. Scared to start a conversation? Simply ask, “Is this your first time here?” and you’ll be fine.

* As you network, see if you can arrange meetings with people you don’t know whose advice would be helpful. This creates pressure and will force you to talk about yourself, but the stakes aren’t as high as for an interview. But be careful–these informal meetings can in fact turn into an interview so prepare well.

* Join Toastmasters or take a course at your local Community College in presentation skills. This will get you talking in front of people–excellent practice for interviewing.

One last reminder:  don’t memorize your answers or you’ll sound like a robot. Listen carefully and remember your key concepts and you’ll use different words each time. This is good as you’ll sound fresh and spontaneous.

I’ve been working on my new book, “Job Interview Answers That Work!” due out in the fall, and this is a question that I think many job seekers struggle with. You don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to admit you can’t do something either. My advice, ask a question to see if you can broaden the issue, and if you want to be super polilte, ask if it’s all right to ask a question.

So, the sequence could go like this:

Interviewer:  Jean, have you ever designed courses for college students?

Me: May I ask you a clarifying question?

(I get a nod)

Me: Are you concerned about courses that are age-appropriate or is  your focus more on how to design courses that engage students?

Interviewer: I would have to say both.

Me. Thank you. That is very helpful. I have designed and delivered courses for a wide range of participants from elementary school children to senior executives. My trademark is making sure that the information is easy to understand and that the class is interactive and stimulating. For example, I was asked to teach creative writing in the schools in New York City. I desinged a course that built students’ understanding of the ways language can be used, taught it and received excellent reviews from both the students and the classroom teachers. And I’ve created similar successes for corporate executives.

Debrief: So if I hadn’t taught college courses (and I have) this answer shows I’m comfortable and effective designing materials and teaching many different populations. This is a much better answer than “No, I haven’t taught college students.”

Practice this question-question as I like to call it in your everyday conversations and you’ll find that when faced with a tough interview question, you have an effective strategy for giving yiourself the best shot.

Any job search is full of ups and downs, leads that go nowhere, contacts that go silent. If you only have ten mintues and want to do something productive to help you get to your next job, consider follow up. Look back at your notes, spreadsheets, calendar–whatever ways you have of tracking your activity and I promise you there are several people you have forgotten about.

Send them a quick email, update them on your search (but make sure your message is positive yet truthful) and reconnect.  Remind people that you’re still out there looking. Offer resources to others. Share leads that aren’t right for you. It isn’t magic but it’s really smart, as this way your network is thinking about you.