Being responsible is good, right? We like people who take care of things, do what they say they’re going to do, and so on. We get points for not letting things slip through the cracks. But it’s interesting, in speaking to many people (individuals and audiences) about burnout, that this is a touchy subject. It’s a bit uncomfortable to look at ourselves and ask, “Am I being overly responsible here? Am I owning a problem that really isn’t mine?”

In my role as a career coach, I realized a similar phenomena with loyalty. So many of my clients were incredibly loyal to the companies they worked for, and then were hurt when they were let go. They’d ask me why the loyalty didn’t work both ways–why they were dispensable? And I often told them that there’s smart loyalty–you make a commitment but also take care of yourself–and dumb loyalty–a blind allegiance. So I think the same can be said for responsibility, that it’s a matter of balance, of degree, and that we can liberate ourselves and help prevent burnout by  not being overly responsible. (In my case, this means understanding that there are many things I can’t control–including the weather!)

Another way to look at this is that our strengths often get us into more trouble than our weaknesses. That’s fun to think about! Share your thoughts and together we’ll get smarter.

One green kayak left

Down at the shore, over-turned,

A gentle snow falls.

Most of us look forward to the holidays, whether focused on religious traditions or on family get togethers. But sometimes the holidays are difficult and can aggravate ongoing symptoms of burnout. If someone close to us is ill or has died, we feel the stress more acutely at this time of year. If we’re struggling with job loss, it hits us harder in these dark, December days. And if we’re frustrated with our lives, the contrast to what we think we should be feeling, can wear us down.

According to Christina Maslach, a leading expert on burnout, “Burnout as lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence.” Think about that–that’s a lot of loss. So right now, take a moment to think about what brings you joy–what makes you smile. It could be something simple like making cookies you loved as a child, or inviting a neighbor over for tea. My best friend gave me a book of Christmas stories, and my husband is reading them aloud to me. That is the perfect gift–quiet, reflective, healing. Keep your expectations simple. Let go of doing too much. Be present with the people in your life. This won’t stop the chaos that is often part of our holiday celebrations, but this mindset will help you enjoy it. Just before my grand kids arrive I remind myself that this is lovely chaos, and I do my best to let go of a neat house and perfect meals.

Gratitude is one of the most powerful ways to banish burnout, so be on the lookout for ways to practice this. And great news–tonight is the winter solstice, marking the longest night of the year. But guess what? The days will now get longer, inch by inch. Now that makes me smile.

Anybody feel this way? If your job search has gone on for a bit, you may be wondering if anyone will ever hire you. In my Boomers Back to Work! Class we talk about obstacles, and there are so many it’s hard to list them, but common ones include:  age, salary, career change, not being up-to-date with technology, and worst of all, wrong strategy. By that I mean not conducting a smart search. So here are some quick tips to help you help Santa get that job in the pipeline (and if you’re not in transition, these are good to know anyway.)

• Resumes don’t get jobs. They’re an important tool but are frequently overused. Have a good one and provide it when it’s asked for.
• Create a list of companies where you’d like to work. Don’t get hung up on openings–just list 10-20 places where you think you’d enjoy working. Use this list as a key networking tool and ask your contacts if they’d take a look at it.
• Have a networking spreadsheet or keep your contact list in a notebook. Follow up is often where the good stuff happens, so be careful not to let possibilities slip through the cracks.
• Ask for advice. It’s magic as we all love to give advice. This is much more productive than asking for a job.
• Be creative. Talk to your local reference librarian, reach out to some stretch contacts (maybe the author of a book you like), shadow someone in a job that you don’t know much about.

The crazy thing about looking for work is that it’s unpredictable. A strong lead fizzles out, while a so-so interview turns into an offer. Keep light on your feet, connect with others, search smart and my bet is you’ll be working in the new year.

P.S. For more ideas, see my book, “Eliminated! Now What?”

I had so much fun with my fellow career counselors last week in Philadelphia, and we discussed how to stop burnout and have our best year ever. We did a new exercise:  you have two minutes between clients and can’t be on your computer or the phone, and can’t stay sitting down. Working in small groups, we came up with a wide range of ideas:  take a walk, go to the restroom, dance and sing, take deep breaths, look out the window, etc. What we discovered is that these small actions helps us to be focused and energized for our clients. Please send your burnout tips so we can share what works in our demanding schedules.

You may be thinking, why is Jean writing about resentment when her main topic is burnout? And I hope my answer will help you see how these two issues are connected. According to the leading burnout expert, Christina Maslach, burnout is lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence. It’s bad. It traps us. And many things often lead to this state–both external and internal factors. In our daily lives, at home and at work, we’re dealing with other people. And that’s where resentment comes in, as other people frequently do things that we find puzzling or even hurtful. So what can we do to minimize resentment?

• Act, don’t react. Take time. Breathe. Process the event in your own way, and when you’re ready, talk to the person who has upset you.
• Ask yourself how important is this? Practice compassion and give yourself the distance to gain a balanced perspective.
• Use the name prayer. This is a wonderful tool where all you do is repeat that person’s name to yourself. You don’t have to like them, or understand them, you just say their name, and often this focus on them helps you see the situation with new eyes.

Resentment is a form of poison and it hurts us as much if not more than the person we’re angry with. So to keep from losing energy, enthusiasm and confidence, put yourself on a resentment-free diet and watch what happens.

Sometimes things happen to us that we can’t anticipate. Things that make it hard to bounce back. This past weekend, my dog was attacked by a neighborhood dog who was loose, and in those horrifying first seconds, I realized this other dog was not in a spat with my dog, but was out to kill her. I tried kicking him, but he just tightened his grip on my dog’s head. I let go of the leash and threw my whole body at this dog. He still held on and my dog was bleeding and crying out in pain. My Aunt Jean told me years ago to lift the back legs of a dog in a fight as that will make them loosen their jaw. It worked. I then grabbed this dog’s collar, and with the help of another woman, kept the two dogs apart. My dog had to go to the emergency vet, and I sustained bites to both legs.

In speaking to diverse groups about burnout, I share burnout busters, and talk about how we must care for ourselves as we care for others. But this incident made me realize that sometimes we’re traumatized and then need to treat ourselves very gently. I’ve cut back on my work, am having lunch with a friend, and am giving myself time to get the garden ready for winter. And slowly, I’m feeling better. I wish I could say that I bounced back as quickly as my dog did! So when something difficult happens, make sure to take extra good care of yourself and let your friends and co-workers help you.

Just back from speaking on how to stop burnout and have your best year ever at the SC chapter of Assisted Living Federation of America. It was a wonderful group, and the conference theme, “Under Construction:  Building the Future of Senior Care” gave participants many resources to help them in the important work they do.

A few. post-conference burnout tips/reminders:

• Keep your index card with your burnout busters where you see it everyday
• Find out from co-workers what helps them–no need to reinvent the wheel
• Be creative and make work fun
• Remember gratitude is magic

So nice to meet all of you. I’m your burnout resource so please share your ideas and questions with me. I look forward to staying in touch.

Labor Day always seems like a beginning–often the start of the school year, but even for those of us way past that time, it feels like a new start. Summer is almost over and something different lies ahead of us. But, if you’re like me, it’s easy to get stuck in old habits, and that sense of newness evaporates as our routines take over.

Snakes go through an amazing transformation when they shed their skins. You may have come across an old snake-skin when you’re out hiking–a ghostly image of its former owner. Since burnout is often the cause of our resistance to change, take a moment today to think about one thing you could shed–one thing you no longer need. It might be resentment, or being overly responsible, or letting small things ruin the big picture. Maybe it’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the courage to initiate, like taking a drawing class or signing up for singing lessons.

There are no simple solutions to a complex problem such as burnout, but if you take one small action today, one small step, you’ll be amazed by the power that has to help you shed your old skin and enjoy the present.

If you’re experiencing burnout, you may be like many people and blame your condition on external factors. Perhaps you have a demanding boss, or young children at home, or are caring for a sick parent. You feel as if you never have any time for yourself as you rush from one thing to the next, always late, frazzled and unfocused. And while external factors often play a large role in creating burnout, it’s only part of the picture.

Who we are, our responses, how we handle stress, are just as important as the external causes of burnout. So here’s one quick exercise you can do right now to find out how you’re contributing to your own burnout:

1. Write down one thing that’s bothering you.
2. Add to that, how you could be part of the problem. Are you, for example, overly responsible? Are you carrying grudges that make you irritable? Write down one characteristic that you have that could make that problem worse.
3. Lastly, what one step could you take today to change your reaction? Could you, for example, take a few deep breaths before you answer someone who’s annoyed with you? Could you let go of feeling responsible for everything and let yourself be in this moment? Is there something you could learn to laugh at?

There are no quick solutions to the complicated problem of burnout, but see if some small steps start to get you headed in the right direction. And please share what’s worked for you.