In my work as both a career counselor and a writer, I’ve witnessed successful methods for encouraging others to help, as well as tactics that are sure to fail. Since both looking for work and trying to get published as a writer involve a lot of rejection, I thought it would be useful to share what I’ve learned.

So, what are some good ways to get help? Be prepared. This means being able to talk about your goals and your contributions (or your book) in a natural and conversational way. In job search, it also means having your resume completed and preparing  a list of companies that you’re interested in. The less you ask for, the more likely you are to succeed. So if you contact someone in your network and ask if they’d have time to look at the list of companies you’re targeting, this is probably going to get a “Yes.”

On the flip side, asking for too much too soon, usually makes others uncomfortable. So what you don’t want to say is something like:  “I’m out of work, I need a job and I’m going to send my resume to you.” This places a huge burden on the recipient and is not likely to motivate him/her to help you.

Practice your written and verbal requests, get feedback from others so that you’ll know if you need to refine your message, and get out there. People you know as well as those you don’t know yet, want to help you. But you’ve got to ask.