My best friend, Nancy, made this beautiful arrangement. She’s been studying Japanese flower arranging. So in this busy season, I thought I’d share it along with a short paragraph from Joan Chittister’s book, “The Gift of Years.” They go beautifully together:
“A blessing of these years is the invitation to go lightfooted into the here and now–because we spend far too much of life preparing for the future rather than enjoying the present.”
I had the great pleasure of speaking at the MASS-ALA conference last week and it was really special. Chris Foley and her team made it seem effortless, but went beyond that and made the conference welcoming and upbeat. I spoke on “Stop Burnout: Five Steps to Re-Energize Your Work for Your Best Year Ever” and we had a blast. Not only was it interactive, but the whole group was up on their feet dancing when we got to the slide: “Sitting is the new smoking.” It may seem silly, but a 15-30 second break where you move your body, enjoy music and refresh, is really a smart burnout buster. And for sure that will make you “Assisted Living Strong.”
Okay, I’m an author and I love books, but I was thinking it would be fun to share thoughts on a book that has made a difference to us, whether now or in the past. It could be related to stopping burnout, or tips on how to find your next job. Or, it could be fiction–a story that grabbed you and stayed with you. So here’s mine:
“Singletasking: Get More Done One Thing at a Time” by Devora Zack. First of all, it’s a riot. Here’s how it starts:
To my dearest reader:
You are hereby released from the temptation to overachieve. Your friend, Devora Zack
P.S. You’re welcome.
That gives you a sense of her tone, but her witty and light hearted approach is backed up by impressive research. She quotes major business leaders as well as neuroscientists–all to support the radical idea that we can only do one cognitive skill at time. (Yes, you can fold laundry and talk on the phone at the same time since the folding is not a cognitive skill.)
So if you want to do yourself a huge favor, read this book. Keep it on the front passenger seat of your car. Reread a paragraph before rushing into work. It could just change your life, and will help you stop burnout and have the best year ever.
(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)
Took a wonderful hike along the beach at Watch Hill (RI) Saturday, and although it was warm, it was clearly the end of summer. A few brave swimmers were in the water, but my husband and I kept our shoes on and admired it from the safety of the beach. After a long, hot summer, it felt like a gift. Because it’s well past Labor Day, dogs were allowed on the beach and it was fun to watch them playing in the water and chasing each other.
This got me thinking about change and how, although I resist it, it almost always opens a door. There is a phase with change that always causes me trouble, and that’s when it’s clear the old is going away or not working, and the new hasn’t shown up yet. As I used to tell my clients when I worked as a career coach, knowing what you don’t want is a really good beginning. That can be a good time to stop, observe, not feel pressured to jump into the next thing. (Advice I’m very good at giving to others, and not so good at following myself.) Why is that so difficult? Is it because we define ourselves by our work?
For me, having a project, whether it’s writing a book or preparing to speak about stopping burnout, gives me purpose, direction, and focus. I feel useful. I’m excited. But the in between times, the not knowing, makes me anxious and sometimes even crabby. And I think this is because I have to let go and trust. I have accept that a transition is exactly that–it’s leaving one thing for another. And to be ready for the new thing, the next phase, requires pulling back, waiting, listening. To use a gardening analogy, it’s preparing the soil.
The waves were crashing, the sunlight sparkling off the water and my husband and I decided it was the perfect moment for a “selfie.” We wanted the ocean in the background, so we stood just beyond where the waves were breaking and snapped a few shots. But before we were finished, a big wave swept in and filled out shoes with sand and water. We laughed and made our soggy way back to the parking lot
. Okay, I get it. The summer is over.
I had the great pleasure of speaking on how to ace your interviews last week in West Hartford at the Schmoozer’s Networking Group. We covered many aspects of this unpredictable process, from how to prepare, to making sure your body language reinforces your message. But one thing, that I learned from a client of mine a few years back, we didn’t have time to cover. And that is to ask for the job.
In Chapter 28 of my interview book, “Closing the Deal”, I tell Elliott’s story. Here’s a shortened version. Elliott writes: “At the end of the interview, I generally close by first stating that I am extremely interested in the position and sometimes bluntly stating that I want the position….When the hiring manager tells me that he or she has: (a) just stated the process, (b) is looking at a number of other candidates…I directly (with a big smile on my face) ask the hiring manager what it would take to persuade him or her right now that I am the right candidate.”
Has your blood pressure just spiked? This is not easy. But Elliott learned that it was an effective way from him to demonstrate confidence and interest in the job, and it worked. He went from being the “almost candidate” to getting an offer. So in your own words and your own style, see if you can find a way to tell the person interviewing you, “I’d really like this job.” And of course, in your previous answers you’ve provided proof that you can do the job, and your physical energy shows you’re excited about it, so this is really just the icing on the cake. Give it a try. What do you have to lose?
I recently had a good discussion with a former client of mine–one of those wonderful people you can reconnect with instantly. He had been my client both times he had lost his job, and we discovered that we enjoyed working together. As I was telling him about my work speaking to help organizations stop burnout, he asked me: “Won’t you look weak? Isn’t it just whining? Shouldn’t you just do your work and be a trustworthy team player?”
Wow–tough questions. My quick answer: “No, no, yes and no.” So, are you weak if you admit to burnout? No, you’re smart. Burnout is real, it’s physical as well as emotional, and will disrupt your work if you ignore it. If we look at the classic definition from Christina Maslach, it’s “lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence.” But we all know, it’s smart to pick the right person to talk to about burnout. Some will get it, others won’t. Find an advocate who will help you turn it around. (This may not be your boss.)
Is this whining? No, it’s recognizing that we aren’t machines and that inner and outer pressures can wear us down. The major difference between whining and admitting to burnout is that whining makes you a victim. It’s always the fault of someone else. Not so in owning up to burnout. And people who whine often really enjoy it and stay stuck. Again, not the case in recognizing burnout and taking steps to make your life better.
And the last question: Shouldn’t you just do your work be a trustworthy team player? Of course, but to be a creative and productive team player you have to take care of yourself. Your resources are finite–you can’t be all things to all people. (Trust me on this one–I tried!) To really contribute to your organization, you’ve got to be energized, enthusiastic and confident, and it’s your job to make that happen.
Maybe it’s a paradox. You have to admit to something that can feel like a weakness in order to be strong. You have to set limits to be able to grow and exceed what you’ve done before. You earn the respect of others by being willing to disappoint them. Tell me what you think.
(Image courtesy of Getty photos)
Okay, this isn’t a huge harvest, and as my father liked to say–it’s good thing we’re not living off our garden–but this is one of the real joys of summer. I’ve got my first tomato, a bunch of pole beans, and three very crisp cucumbers.
Here’s a poem by Probir Gupta about this wonderful vegetable with a summer lesson for all of us about growth. It’s not easy:
The Cucumber Leaves
The merciless sun The cucumber leaves all scorched Still you need the torch
I love this photo. Look how relaxed and happy this man is, the beautiful ocean waters spread out before him–whether it’s a sunset or sunrise–and he’s taking it easy, sitting on his paddle board, just taking it all in. How many moments in your day even come close to this? Whether you’re working full time, and/or have young children at home or are taking care of aging parents, you are probably running full speed ahead just to not fall behind. And the thought of uninterrupted time, the concept of floating, is like a dream from another universe.
What can we do? The first thing is to recognize that we’re often our own worst enemy. If it were me on this paddle board, I’d be worrying about sharks or wondering if I’d gone too far out. Others might suddenly remember that they didn’t go grocery shopping, so there’s nothing for dinner. And many others would be thinking about that huge report that’s due in a few days and then would feel guilty for taking time off.
Secondly, we buy into the concept that we’re indispensable and limitless. In other words, we believe that we must be the ones to do everything, and that we can do everything no matter how full our plates are. And guess where that leads us? To exhaustion and burnout.
Third of all, we don’t recognize that we need to rest. To stop. To re-charge. So, okay, you might not make it out to such a beautiful place on a paddle board, but look for the things you can do. What’s in reach today? Can you get to work ten minutes early and take the time to organize your desk and get a cup of coffee before the madness starts? Or could you take a break mid-morning and get outside your office building for a ten-minute walk? Time Magazine (July 25, 2016)*just ran an article about the importance of being outside, and how trees, nature, not only make us feel better, but also lower our blood pressure and can provide “relief for health issues like heart disease, depression, cancer, anxiety and attention disorders.”
What helps me is remembering that everything is a choice. If I choose to stay late at work, or choose to take on a complicated project, then I need to be especially mindful to take care of myself. My energy has limits, my family gets cranky if I’m away too much, and the most helpful word in the English language is “no”. Sorry I can’t do that right now.
Lastly, give yourself something to look forward to. Small or big, lunch with a friend or a trip you’ve always dreamed of, get it on your calendar. Make it happen. And make sure your summer has time for doing nothing. Daydreaming, a little nap, are excellent ways to re-charge.
*The Healing Power of Nature”, Alexandra Sifferlin